Volume

I am insecure
I am concerned with my volume
Whether it be the literal decibels of my laughter
Or the mass of my body
The weight of my dark thoughts
How I care too much
Or not enough
About everything and anything
My enormous amount of self hatred
Or my astonishing lack of motivation

You see
I am concerned about my volume

I am always too loud or too quiet
Too much or not enough
My measurements are always off the scale for perfection
Or just enough
I'd settle for enough
Because that's what everyone wants, isn't it?
They seek perfection in the average
Don't they?

Nobody seems to want my
Loud and obnoxious peals of laughter, bursting and bubbling out of my lungs like swarms of butterflies

The way my upper lip that never seemed to match the fullness of the one underneath- how it curls and all but disappears into my dimples when I grin

Or my boring brown eyes, with their long but straight lashes
How they gleam and twinkle when I happen upon something I adore
Like an old book with pages aged so beautifully

What about my stomach that sticks out too much and rolls itself into a little round pouch whenever I sit down
How it rises and falls with each breath I take
Because I am here
I am alive
That should be enough

I am here
Despite it all-
No
Because of it all.

I have risen
And fallen
Like the tide
Like the tidal wave of breaths visiting my ribcage
Leaving as quickly as they came
I am traveling this world
Like the blood in my veins

Regardless of whether I am enough for myself
Or anyone
Everyone
Else

Nobody questions my right to be here on this earth
So why do I?

That little voice that whispers to me
I am enough
Gives my body the strength to say
No
Scream

I am enough to stay. So here I am. Take me or leave me, I will still be here no matter your choice. I have survived my most difficult days, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my best ones. I may not be your perfect average, but I can rise above it. Do your worst. I may not always be enough, but I am worth something. And I,
I am staying.