Puppet Master

Dear Anxiety,

You motherfucker

How dare you invade my mind 

In such a fashion

Alexander the Great would surrender at your feet

Knowing the power you had on the territories of my brain

You rewire my inner workings

To such extremes 

That I feel as though I am a puppet

Moving to the manipulation of my strings

But Anxiety,

I feel as though I must thank you

For as much as you cause me distress

You help me challenge my other demons 

For you are stronger than my depression

More fearsome than my suicidal tendencies

More manipulative than my personalities 

You cause me to get out of bed in the morning

For the sake of fear 

You make me go farther than I thought I would 

Because of the tremors in my heart

The pitter patter that is trying to escape out of my chest

That grows exponentially as you increase your tight grip 

Like a python wrapping itself around

And around 
Squeezing

The life out of my veins 

I can feel the heartbeats rising up my throat 

Climbing their way to the tip of my tongue 

A bittersweet reminder that I am here

Simply because you wish to remain 

And I am but a host to your cruel intentions 

I do not know whether to curse you or thank you 

For your existence

For as much as you help me through mine 

You hurt me thrice as much

You make me second guess everything around me

I thought I knew things

But do I really?

Am I loved? 
Am I even lovable?

Old friend, 

Please

Please stop

Do not make me pointless to others

I do not want them to lose hope in me

I do not want to be hopeless 

I have a purpose 

Please let me find it 

I will let you control the strings that hold my life together 

You can be the driving force that gets me through the day

But just lessen your grip a little 

Allow me to be free enough to love myself 

And allow others to love me

I have given you the best parts of me

Please allow me to share them with others 

Signed,

Your Faithful Servant