Circle of Lies

 

Every time 

I use my hands 

As god intended 

I feel the emptiness 

Of the ring that once was

The space on my finger 

Is so strangely foreign to me

Something is missing

But why 

It was not there for long

Am I missing the filled void

Or am I missing the promise behind it

Do I miss the cold metal on my knuckle

Or the warmth of being yours

I clench my fist

And the emptiness reminds me

That I am not special

That I never was 

And that is why 

My hands look like any other

Because apparently 

Anyone could have you 

Mine was not the only hand you took 

Their faces and words rush through my mind

I think of how many “I love you’s”

Were freely given to them

And withheld from me

And suddenly it’s not so cold anymore 

For where I felt the chill of the absence 

Of your hand around mine 

I now feel the heat of anger 

And the absence of a promise 

Broken 

Reminds me

That despite how I gave you everything 

And all of me

You chose differently 

And so

I was not ever truly yours

As you were never truly mine 

-j.p